I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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