I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
