More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's blow job season.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
