Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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