You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You dont lie about slip and slides
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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