I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
