that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
