Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
