After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
