I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
