Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
