he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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