My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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