he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
