True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
