Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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