I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
