Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
