I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He shit in the fireplace
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
