every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
