we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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