Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
