Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
