At least make sure they are 18
Why
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
