I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
