it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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