Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
