pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
