i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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