i would punch a child for taco bell
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
