my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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