Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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