it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
