Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
