I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
