I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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