Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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