You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
