I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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