i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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