your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
