I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
