Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
