I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
