i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
