I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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