Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
