Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
