I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
