Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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