You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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