I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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