I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize