Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You work out of a Hotel?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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