see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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