no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
