I hate your face
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
